Funny or Die: Biden pretends to abandon presidential campaign – CNN

By Alexander Burns, CNN Political Editor Saturday Night Live took on the increasingly frequent spate of allegations of sexual harassment or misconduct against members of the entertainment industry in its cold open. “The biggest…

Funny or Die: Biden pretends to abandon presidential campaign - CNN

By Alexander Burns, CNN Political Editor

Saturday Night Live took on the increasingly frequent spate of allegations of sexual harassment or misconduct against members of the entertainment industry in its cold open.

“The biggest scandal in show business in decades,” said Joe Biden, who was asked about allegations against Harvey Weinstein and a host of other men. “Should we make the past the future?”

After a short look at whether Sony’s upcoming “Dark Tower” film might end up wrapped in a “man’s man” web, Biden visited a studio office where he sees a photo of himself with president Bill Clinton.

“I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to be president,” said Biden, now a hit with Amy Schumer fans and Hillary Clinton fans. “I don’t want to be elected.”

“Well, I suppose it’s true,” said Schumer. “Hillary Clinton killed Vince Foster. Then Hillary lost an election on a doubt he was killed.”

“It’s not a crime, but it would make a great movie.”

“What, ‘In the Ring’ with Chuck Norris? It would be terrible. … Me and Chuck,” Biden said.

He asked Schumer if she could get him out of office and he was whisked off by people he called “the ghost of Biden past.”

“Your legacy’s in real danger, by the way,” he said. “I got way too close to it.”

“What? But the Russians did the same thing!” Schumer said.

Biden emerged from his “Ghost of Biden Past” bodyguard, now accompanied by a woman whom the VP finds has a “big ass.”

“What? What? What do you mean by a big ass?” he asked.

Meanwhile, the “Ghost of Biden Past” exhorted others in Hollywood to enter the dirty business of harassment.

“Because good art will survive what we do,” Biden lamented. “All this wrongdoing is going to happen again tomorrow. I see it now, I touch it now.”

He also called Sony CEO Kaz Hirai, who’s denied that he knew about allegations against Weinstein in the wake of an investigation into his relationship with “The Queen of Versailles” filmmaker Lauren Greenfield.

“Kaz, I know you love me,” Biden said. “And I love you, especially now that you know I love you. But are you gonna fix this mess?”

Hirai didn’t deny the charge, and told Biden that he’ll “get the bill.”

Meanwhile, Biden was surveying the flat billboard economy in Pittsburgh.

“Would it be more accurate to say we’re tanking?” Biden asked. “Like Bernie Sanders says: ‘Everything’s got to go.'”

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